In a story released today, Southern Methodist University President R. Gerald Turner announced a compromise between proponents of the Bush Presidential Library project, and faculty members who had objected to the location of the facility on the SMU campus.
In an effort to allay concerns that important scholarship would not be conducted at the Library, SMU’s President has arranged for the co-location within the Library of the Molly Ivins Institute for the Study of Political Numb-Nuttery.
Ms. Ivins, reached from the grave, indicated her emphatic support for the move.
“In all my years of reporting, from the Texas Lege to Dubya to “Goodhair” Perry, I’ve seen an amazing amount of numb-nuttery in Texas, and I feel the Institute is ideally positioned to take advantage of the plethora of study material available.”
Ms. Ivins was able to offer a commentary regarding her current situation, as well: “You know, folks”, she was heard to say, “Heaven ain’t bad, but I really miss Austin. Up here, I have a hell of a time finding decent Bar-B-Q. And don’t get me started on the bars…”
Representatives of the Library were also enthusiastic: “When the Presidential papers are here in the Library, there is no question we will have amassed the world’s largest collection of numb-nuttery, and having scholars here who can study this amazing record should help all Americans in the future.”
The Institute is expected to be a major economic powerhouse, as well, reports Board of Directors Chair Jim Hightower: “Because of the sheer volume of numb-nuttery represented in the Library’s collection, we anticipate employment of at least 600 workers in the document handling and warehouse operations alone.” A spillover effect is also anticipated, according to Hightower: ”We are prepared to host as many as 2000 scholars at any one time, what with the huge worldwide interest in preventing such an Administration from ever taking power in the US again; and we’re now seeing expressions of interest from hotels and other ancillary businesses that want to be located in the community surrounding the Institute”.
Taylor Russ, Mustang Student Body President, also acknowledged the opportunity: “Everyone knows that mistakes can be the best teacher, and as students we feel this addition to the university is the equivalent of adding an entire Political Science department with world-class instructors”.
The Institute’s Dedication is set for 4:30 this Friday at a cocktail lounge near the University. “We considered waiting until 5, but we knew if Molly was here she would be thirsty, and we thought, what the hell…”
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