advice from a fake consultant

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Monday, February 12, 2007

On An Alternative Election Methodology, Or, Is That OJ Stalking Me?

Clinton, Edwards, Hagel, Obama, McCain, Biden, Gravel, Brownbach, Hunter, Giuliani, Kucinich, Tancredo, Romney, Dodd, Vilsak, Savage, Swift, Stanhope.

That’s only a partial list of candidates for President in 2008, and my head already hurts.

I know by the time this is over I’ll be sick and tired of elections, and probably the American electoral system generally.

Anticipating this problem, I have designed an alternative to the current system of elections that I feel has considerable merit.

Consider this:

If my plan is adopted, there will be more than 30 second sound bites defining the candidates.

If my plan is adopted, there will be more voter participation then there is today.

If my plan is adopted, there would be a reason for Tom Tancredo to actually be in this election.

So what’s this great plan?

Presidential Survivor.

Basically the way it works is we take all announced candidates, put them on an island together, and every week the American people, after watching them face some trials, vote one out.

Now here’s where it gets really good.

Today OJ Simpson sits in Florida, idling his days away on a golf course, looking for something to do.

Why waste this valuable American resource?

I say put OJ on the island, and let him stalk the losers-and then help him find the “real” killers afterward.

This plan has advantages.
For example:

The whole thing is easily accomplished with public financing-no more soft money, hard money, illegal money, period.

In fact, ad revenues and DVD sales could theoretically make elections a profit-making enterprise.

The Republican propensity to pick based on “it’s his turn, so let’s nominate Dole" (for 2008, substitute McCain) will be discarded after the first few episodes.

Fringe candidates will be quickly (and permanently) removed from contention, creating a centrist tendency that will serve us well in the future.

The desire to begin the election cycle as soon as the previous one ends will quickly dissipate-or we’ll have two seasons of the show per election cycle. Either way, America wins.

As the candidates dwindle, bipartisanship will flourish.
Other members of the political establishment will see the benefits, and as a result government administration should improve.

There’s even an economic benefit-if the show is based in Louisiana it can assist the redevelopment of the Gulf Coast!

So that’s my plan.

Now here’s my question to the community:

Who do you think will win?

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